Wednesday, November 30, 2011

N-Zilla's Mom is giving advice.

If I could give any constructive advice to parents and families going through any diagnoses process. Anything to do with SPD. ASD. AS.  Or Just having kids.  Here they are.

1.  The first and most important is YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S ADVOCATE.  Never forget that.

2.  Relatives might be rude.  Strangers will be rude.  Try your best not to let it get you down.  Number 2 will tie in with number 3.....wait for it.

3.  Start a blog! You won't believe how much you release.  Then you reread and reflect.  Plus there is a huge community out there via blogging/twitter/facebook.  Where you thought you were alone...you find out that your not and who knows maybe your words are there for someone else.

4.  Trust your gut.  It's hard when you hear "what if's"coming from every direction.  Remember YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S ADVOCATE and YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD BEST.

5. Ask for help.  Their are so many programs.  N-Zilla was in speech therapy through ECI (Early Childhood Intervention, through Brighten in San Antonio).  Now he is in pre-k through the school district.  Any Baby Can is a awesome resource

6.  Ask for help. Again.  Find a special someone who knows and gets your little "N-Zilla".  Have them watch him/her for a bit.  Take a nap.  Drink some wine.  What ever.  Just get the help and unwind.  Your N-Zilla will thank you later.

7.  Have a sensory diet ready.  N-Zilla's consist of three hat that must be worn at the same time, a diesel 10 train, a body sock, pictures of familiar routines, and tight hugs.   Find out what your kiddo likes and have it ready.

8.  Read the signs.  We can tell when N-Zilla has had enough of company.  So he has learned to excuse himself and go to a quite place.  Usually it is his room with his trains or going on google images to look at Diesel 10.  Don't call attention to it.   At restaurants we go for walks to avoid meltdowns.  We also avoid triggers.  Like my beloved Red Robbins.

9. Don't let anyone down play or push a diagnoses.  Remember 1. and 4.

10. Continue to Love you child.  You'll get through it.  Some days will hurt more then others.  Some days you want to get ear muffs and drink heavily. Some days are great.  But isn't that how it is for most parents?    (Please tell me I am not the only one.)

Those are Tips From N-Zilla's Mom.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Tick Tock...The N-Zilla alarm.

So we had a holiday week.  (For the record I don't remember getting a whole week off for Thanksgiving).  I have to say it was pretty enjoyable.  I of course took the year off from volunteering and cooking.  That might have had something to do with it.

Guilty Mama Confession.
 I write these next few sentences as a guilty mother. N-Zilla and The Lilith (baby sister) were sick, because they were sick  the house was pretty quite.    The mess factor was down to a code blue.  That's a good thing.  The Todds spent their days laying on my bed watching Little Einsteins only lifting there heads to "drink" their food and take fever reducing medication.  The occasional nap, diaper change and story time.  Vacation with the Todds was a cinch.

I prepared weeks in advance for the holiday (Thanksgiving).  I went to the store buying early Christmas presents for the N-Zilla so he and us could enjoy our Thanksgiving dinner out.  Had a sensory bag locked and loaded for both of the Todds really.  I even designated a spot in the van for the bags.  I was Mama hear me roar.
This is the first time I have ever spent more then 10$ on head Phones.  But they are Awesome!

Thanksgiving Dinner and other Social Engagements 
 As with most babies, toddlers and kids their is a social time limit.  We are learning N-Zilla's.  We know now that it's okay to excuse ourselves from the table and take a little walk with him until the food comes.  We know to always have the Thomas the Bag ready and two Lighting Mc Queen cars handy AT ALL TIMES.

Notice that both hands are holding Lighting Mc Queen Cars

We are on a time limit. (Any one with kids or pets waiting at home could say the same thing.)
We are on a time limit at Birthday parties.  At game night.  Shopping etc.    N-Zilla our Loveable and Destructive Alarm sends us signals when to go.   We have to excuse ourselves a little bit earlier.  Hoping that we don't offend our host if we leave to early or praying that nothing is broken if we stay to late.

I'm Thankful for...
No matter what time we have to leave any where...I'm still so flipping happy that I enjoyed a whole week of vacation with all four kids home.  Plus the weekend.  

Monday, November 21, 2011

Part 2. My Loveable and Destructive son is not a spectrum test

Levels of N-Zilla

So here we are weeks later and I am barely getting to part 2 of the last post I had. 

Any who...  I think where I left off, I was going to tell you that I had to explain to the nurse that N-Zilla is on the spectrum.  That is where the testing began.

When listening to his heart she brought her forehead real close to his.  No...not real close. Touching.  As far as I know I don't "have anything", and I don't like people getting that close to me.

N-Zilla looked at me then at her.

"Oh no, he's fine.  He is not that much on the spectrum.  He let me go in his comfort zone".

What the hell.

Then she started to randomly clap.  I'm assuming to see if the sudden annoying noise will "set him off".

This made me upset.  What the hell difference does it make what part of the spectrum if any he is on?

N-Zilla isn't a walking test.  He isn't a poster child for spectrum.  I've spent the past year not doing things to "set him off", and working with him to go past his comfort zone.

It was not medically necessary to do these things.  It was just for comparison.  Her friend had a son that...and so on and so on.

What if these things had made him uncomfortable to the point of no return.  Then what?

It made me upset, sad, and angry.  I couldn't help my Lovable and Destructive son verbalize why his hand was close shut for 4 or more hours.  I couldn't verbalize for him that no matter if he had a eye growing out of his forehead he still wouldn't like a perfect strangers forehead to touch his.

He is a person.  Not a test.  He is not SPD.  He is not AS or ASD.  He is not maybe or what if.  He is not a Brat that needs to be spanked.  He is my little boy.  He is N-Zilla my Loveable and Destructive (non-test) Human Being.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

N-Zilla my loveable and destructive son is not a spectrum test. Part 1

First let me start this post off by saying I think Santa Rosa Hospital in Down Town San Antonio is great.  We frequent there.  With four kids and what not.  I'm surprised we don't have our own wing.  

On average each kid has two E.R visits per year.  Soooo....out of twelve months I'm there like eight times.  And that is a slow year.  

Again my experiance with this hospital and staff have overall been loving and caring and great.  This post is more about people.  Not the Hospital.

I know you get it now...I love Santa Rosa.

A few weeks ago I picked up N-Zilla from the M.I.L's after work.  She had been picking him up from the bus while I was at work.  (And for that Lady Silva, I am great full.  This 30on mom needs to work and you have helped.).  When I got there, M.I.L told me that N-Zilla my little Loveable and Destructive son had had his left hand in a fist for the past 4 hours.  He wouldn't open it to drink out of his sippy cup or play with his cars.  He wouldn't even open it up for F.I.L, Which N-Zilla adores.  His hand looked swollen.  

I asked N-Zilla what happened.  The usually mommy questions

1. Did you fall down?
2. Did something bite you?
3. Did somebody hurt you?
4. You want Candy? K, open your hand and I will give you candy.
5. You want Thomas the Train? Open your and hand and I will give it to you.

Of course days of all days this is would be a day that N-Zilla did not like to make eye contact.  Not to mention...although his verbal skills are freak'n awesome, he's just not able to carry a conversation of "what happened" yet. 

Now, I am not the strongest person but I have been able to pry open a hand or two to remove dangerous or  chocking items from kids hands.

This time no luck.  It was like N-Zilla's hand was cement shut.  And every time I tried opening his hand he screamed his little Zilla lungs out.

Phone call to a fellow Suburban Homie to ask for babysitting for The Lilith (aka The Baby).  Off to the E.R we went.  Phone call to N-Zilla's teacher to ask if anything happened at school.  Phone call to bus dispatch to see if anything happened on the bus. Nope and Nope.

Great.  I was thinking how was I going to explain this at the E.R.  "My son's hand won't open. Fix it."

This is where I write what this post is really  about.

I was getting weird looks from the nurses because N-Zilla was not responding to any of their questions.  He wasn't making eye contact.  And he was covering his ears.  Reluctantly I had to tell them that N-Zilla is in the Autistic Spectrum.  Reluctantly, because often times I am confused and mostly just focused on raising my SON.

"Oooooooh, I see".  I am starting to find a complex with this sentence from perfect strangers.  

Now we come to the part when people. Not close family and friends, but people.  Just people.  Want to "see" what part of the spectrum he is on.  

To be continued because The Lilith woke up and I have to lay down with her...  So here is a pic to hold you over until the next post.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

N-Zilla...My Loveable and Destructive 3 year tips to survive a BBQ

My Little N-Zilla.  The other day we were at a family bbq.  Actually, it was the first time N-Zilla and the rest of us visiting this relatives house.  I wasn't really worried how N-Zilla would act.  I wasn't worried at all.  I was busy running around the house looking for that lost sock and yelling directions to the kids.

Side Note:  I think from now on I am going to bust into song when ever I have to yell at the kids.  It worked for Mary Poppins and Maria from The Sound Of Music.  Oddly, they are the same person.

At the BBQ  I noticed a few new things that N-Zilla does when over whelmed.  I didn't realize he was overwhelmed untill I took a seat and watched him.  The house was loud.  Laughing. Music. Talking. Babies.

N-Zilla makes this noise like a faint train horn.  Mostly he makes it when he is in a loud environment.  It stays the same and constant.  But when he has at his breaking point it gets louder.  My little Loveable and Destructive 3 year old had had enough.  He was walking around flicking his ears and making the train sound.
(The flicking of the ears is new).

Of course I forgot his weighted blanket.  His life is pretty routine at home their really is no need for it except to relax and watch t.v.  Luckily he was happy that house had a couch had big heavy pillows.  He stayed for awhile  underneath the pillows.

The rest of the time he hung out at the bottom of the staircase playing with his cars.  It was getting tricky until someone put X-Box Connect dance game on.  N-Zilla zoned in on the dance moves.  (So family and friends for Christmas or Birthday's N-Zilla really digs dancing games for the Wii).

Oh my N-Zilla.  Of course God would give me a child that lives of off routine when I like to try new thing and often fall behind schedule.

N-Zilla's Tips to Survive a BBQ:

1. Always remind mom to bring weighted blanket or make the weighted vest already.  Mom!
2. Make sure host has plenty of bread rolls.
3. Find the nearest pillow and take a breather.
4. Go for walk with mom.  (I forgot to mention we take lots of walks when we are somewhere new)
5. Hang out with Grandpa.
6. Always have Sensory Diet handy so you can relax at the bottom of the stair case.
7. When Just Dance comes on...Just dance.
And that my friends is N-Zilla's Tips for surviving a BBQ

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Revisiting the Blog and feeling Thankful

I haven't really had time to sit down and pour my heart out here on N-Zilla my Loveable and Destructive 3 year old.  However, there are some things that I have to retract.  Like when I said it was Safe To Have The T.V down, It's not.  Not to long ago it went back on the wall.

N-Zilla...Loveable and Destructive  was my very first post here (I must have a bit of nostalgia tonight).  I still feel like I am going through all of "this" alone.  Sometimes.

Since N-Zilla...Loveable and Destructive, I have been able to get my fears and ramblings on paper (computer)
which gives me a clear head when dealing with "real life" situations and decisions when dealing with N-Zilla.

I thank this blog for bringing Mr.S (N-Zilla's dad aka my husband) more into the light with N-Zilla, Sensory Processing Disorder and the Autism Spectrum.

 We have had such a great few months, almost afraid to blog about the past few weeks with N-Zilla. ( I am afraid we are taking a step back).

I am also thankful for this blog for bringing me closer to my family and friends and letting them in my life a little when it comes to N-Zilla.  I have had so much understanding.  N-Zilla's God Mother and B.A Martin have been freak'n awesome.

So maybe I am not so alone in this thing after all.

Friday, September 23, 2011

C'mon Mom Get The Led Out.

I actually do not know what has gotten in to me because there has been plenty to blog about when it comes to my N-Zilla.  Yes, he still is Loveable and Destructive. And yes, we still have our bouts of insomnia.  Not as much as before...maybe once or twice a week.

There has been bus rides, home work and a visit to B.A Martins house AND no cats where harmed!  This might seem like useless mundane yada yada yada's to you...but for us, for my N-Zilla it's huge.

Seriously (yikes I said it again), having N-Zilla being baby sat out side his comfort zone was a pretty big deal.  Of course I was a nervous wreck at the movies.  I totally trust B.A Martin. but I was having visions of the cats hanging from the ceiling fan and all those pretty decorations on the shelves would be broken into tiny little pieces.  I would walk in the apartment with B.A Martin and company ducking for cover in the corner while N-Zilla screamed for Thomas.

Of course non of this happened.

N-Zilla and the Family

N-Zilla my Loveable and Destructive 3 yr old had family visit this week.  Grandma and Grandpa Big Bear and Nina and Nino ( and family).  They traveled from GA and CA and we had a great time in TX.

In case you are wondering if my N-Zilla destroyed anything this week...he did.  While staying at the time share he managed to pull down the thing that opens and closes the curtains.  He was able to take the sliding glass closet door go off it's track and nameless amounts of water, juice, milk, (and beer) were spilled on the rug.  I was able to fix the curtain, someone fixed the closet and all's well that end's well.

I love when N-Zilla (and the rest of my children) get to spend time with family.   As you have put together, we live in Texas and the Fam lives out of state.  It's rare that we get to see each other.

But...I get a little sad when they leave.  Of course I get home sick.  That's a given.  However, I know that it's not forever.  I get to call, email, txt and the communicate through the infamous Face Book.   N-Zilla can't.  I wonder how much he understands that they are family and we will always see them again.

For the most part N-Zilla's comprehension and communication skills are freak'n AWESOME.  Pre-K has done wonders.  Not only does he talk more, he understands, and has become affectionate.

This morning he started crying because he thought we were going to she Grandma Big Bear and Cousin.  I told him they went home and we would see them later.  He just stared at me and asked for Thomas.  That was fine...then later in the day Crazy Horse came home from school and N-Zilla ran to the front room yelling "Gramma".


Thursday, September 1, 2011

An ode to Pre-K

N-Zilla's very first open house! It went good.  For the most part.  I'm not counting him running back stage while the principle was talking. And the shake-of-the-head from fellow pre-k parent.  Ya, N-Zilla could not sit still while pre-k teachers where talking to us parents.  So, Ronny from Jersey Shore decided to stair at me while saying oh my God under his breath.  After that everything was good.

I saw his class room.  Of course he went straight to the trains. I saw his name on the rug and right next to it was a yellow chair.  I had a feeling that the chair was for him.  I was right.  But, it was ok.  I'm glad his teacher is working with him not against him.  She also has high expectations for him.  This is good, we have had the opposite experience when N-Zilla was in day care.

The reason for the yellow chair...it gives N-Zilla the space he needs while being apart of circle time.  I asked his teacher if he was sitting long enough for circle time.  She said he is sitting for the most part and but not engaging quit yet.  I'm so happy that his teachers don't just let him wonder the class room so he doesn't "disturb" circle time.  He sits for one circle full circle time (the class has three).  Second circle time, he gets to go to the bath room early.  Third circle time...he walks around.

I really am happy that N-Zilla is in school.  I do feel that he has teachers that are on his team.  I see how interactive the teacher is with all the kids.  Going to open house tonight was a weight lifted off my shoulders.  I got to ask questions and get answers.  Not once did I get the run around and no one was underestimating or overestimating my Loveable and Destructive guy.

Someday when I get a camera I will show you some more of our Loveable and Destructive world.   In the meantime school is one the best things that could have happened for N-Zilla.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

If it's not N-Zilla keeping me up, it's anxiety.

I am probably more nervous for N-Zilla to start Pre-K then he is.  I have talked about school and tried to prepare him. I just don't know how much he can comprehend.   I'm actually losing sleep over it. 

Last night I had nightmares about waking up to late and getting N-Zilla to the bus stop on time.  And, how the bus got stuck in traffic in a rain storm.  Ya, I know I am being ridiculous.  But, how does this happen?  I know that one day he was going to go to school.  I was Actually counting down the days.  It's just that one day I was miserable and tired with sore nipples from nursing him 24/7, then the next day I was at a ARD meeting trying to make sense of it all and now next Monday he is going to Pre-K.

My world is changing and I better learn how to appreciate it, who knows what the future holds for N-Zilla and our family.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Update on the N-Zilla.

Update  on the N-Zilla:

One bottle of nail polish was broken.

First time vomited on dad when taking medicine.

Manage to break every single set blinds in the house.  (dad is pist)

New favorite movie, Tangled.

Has been sleeping peacefully with Melatonin for almost a month now.

Finally learned to name the parts of the face.

Wrote on the computer screen. (mom fixed it)

Dropped the Wii

Broke new drinking glass.

AND... Is going to school on Monday.

Go N-Zilla! Please don't break anything.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Freakout mode and judgmental situations?

Last weekend was a little bit of a rocky one...if you remember our trip to Wal-Mart and getting kicked out of a restaurant. 

Here we are a brand new week and weekend to talk about.  Overall things have been going pretty good, and yet it sorta feels like we have taken a few steps back with progress.  We are back to knocking everything over. But his attention span and comprehensions skills have really blossomed.  N-Zilla seems really comfortable at home, and is talking bunches more.  As far as being in public...well it's a work in progress.  If it's not a comfort zone it can get a little tricky.  Like the time N-Zilla almost made a waitress pee at a Chinese Buffet, or his Birthday freak out at Red Robbins. 

It seems normal to us now or at least me.  Every public outing I find new ways to "be".  Bring the weighted blanket, bring the PSP, bring the snacks, and know the cue to call it a day and head home.  If I really think about it, it's not to much different then what I did with Son #1 and Crazy Horse, and now with The baby.  It's just a little bit more intense.

N-Zilla my loveable and former insomniac is now taking Melatonin.  Huge milestone for our family.  Every body is getting almost the recommended amount of sleep.  Which has put a writers block on my blogging, seeing how I usually blog while up in the wee hours with N-Zilla.  Mr. S and I are still getting use to ALL the kids asleep at the same time.  Sometimes we just stair at each other and say well I guess we are going to bed.  

This past Sunday I decided to take N-Zilla to church with me.  I've decided that I will not be a prisoner of what ever it is that my son has.  And neither will he.  Baby steps of course, only he and I went.  I left the sleeping pre-teens in there stinky rooms and The Baby and Mr. S to watch TLC.

Weighted blanket...check, favorite toy...check, cell phone off...check.  I walked into mass confident.  I sat in the front with the rest of the grown-ups and well behaved children.  It was good.  I didn't really hear what the homely was because N-Zilla was fidgety, and a few times he had to wrap his blanket around him.  However, it was one of my favorite times in church that I have had in a very long time.  N-Zilla looked around at the stain glass windows and whispered very loudly, "ooooo, cooool".  When it was time to sing N-Zilla sang about Thomas and Lighting McQueen.  Had to give him the death grip when receiving communion, he almost ran "on stage" as Crazy Horse likes to call it. 

I left Mass as confident and cool as I entered.  I didn't even break a sweat.  N-Zill walked out the church wearing his blanket as a cape and we drove home. Happy.

So why do I put my self and the N-Zilla in potentially freakout mode and judgmental situations?   Because...why not.  I'm never not going to have a bad day with any of my kids.  Why avoid having any kinda day at all with my N-Zilla. 

Thursday, August 4, 2011

This one time at China Moon

My Lovable and Destructive 3 year old affectionately known as N-Zilla has been a lovable and destructive pain in the ass.  Being stuck at home with a broken air conditioner isn't helping the situation either.

"Pain in the ass" might be a little harsh but it's Thursday, my air conditoner is STILL broken, and I truly am tired of cleaning pee accidents.  (To be honest N-Zilla isn't close to being potty trained.  I try and try, only to hear I pooped and see pee running down his leg.)

Last weekend I took ALL OF THE KIDS to the store with me. Wal-Mart of all places.  Why? Cause I didn't take N-Zilla with me to church.  I didn't want to sit in the cry room.  I wanted to sit in a actual pew.  I took the three kids which in short is every one except N-Zilla.  During Mass I was feeling guilty for not bringing N-Zilla and leaving him and Mr. S to watch reruns of Phineas and Ferb.  So I did what any normal guilt ridden mother would do...I committed errand suicide.

After Mass I picked the boy up giving Mr. S a break and went to the worst evil necessity that is Wal-Mart.  Our trip consisted of  N-Zilla yelling mom the whole time we where there.  Not to get my attention but just to say it.  A lady looked at me and said, "Oh My God" out loud rolled her eyes and trotted to some other isle. 

It's about this time that The Baby starts to cry.  I can't hold her I am on a mission. 

While on this mission, N-Zilla decides to knock things off the shelves.  I had to pry the hangers from his hands.  Some one said wow what a handful.  NO FUCKING SHIT.  Excuse my language.  I usually like to save my bad manners for my other blog, but I felt like yelling that.

Somewhere between the screaming and hangers I ended up at the register buying a gallon of milk and a Monster energy drink which I call a Momster.  Crazy Horse gets a kick out of it.   I had decided there is no way I am making dinner tonight.  I had a brilliant idea to take the family to dinner.  After all I have been doing so good with the finical fasting I had a few pennies from the week to spare.

Dinner time rolled around. Off to China Moon we went (that's our  favorite Chinese restaurant).  As soon we got our drinks N-Zilla my Loveable and Destructive dinner date threw a fork across the table and luckily landed on the floor.  The owner was very vocal and animated when telling us that that was dangerous and "oh he break glass" and pointing to where we should sit at.  Granted besides us there where only three other parties there but ALL EYE'S ON US. 

 Now, I'm kinda use to this.  As you can tell I get that kind of attention at Wal-Mart.  However, Son #1 and Crazy Horse haven't directly experienced being zeroed out. Neither has Mr. S.  As a family we all had the finger pointed at us.  My husband just lowered his head.  My first reaction was to storm out...but then I remembered how much I loved their food.

That's when micro-managing mama started to work.

"Waitress make our order to go".
"Mr. S take N-Zilla to the Car".
-Pause a minute-
"Son # 1 take The Baby to the Car"
"Crazy Horse help me put the drinks in the to go cups"

"Lady next time you wanna say something please come to the table and not yell across the room, you embarrassed us.  Our son has a special need and I would love to eat somewhere that doesn't have a indoor play ground next to it and get my dinner off of trays" ( I didn't really say that but I did talk to the owner who almost gave birth to kittens when the fork hit the floor).

We ended up eating our dinner out of to-go boxes at a park.  Just another day I guess for me, but I can see it was hard for Mr. S.

Our reality right now is we might just have to order to go from now on and make an effort to take the older kids to eat by themselves and set time aside to go out by our self (me and Mr. S). 

Now if I can just find a baby sitter for N-Zilla. 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Weighted Blanket Completed!

It is completed!   I'm not going to lie it was a bit difficult to put together.  There are some incredible sites that can tell you how and give you precise examples on how to make a weighted blanket and some are extremely confusing to follow...I like to think for the first go around, I did good. 
N-Zilla picked the Cars pattern.  Thank God...I couldn't handle staring at another Thomas the Train anything lying around the house.
The back side of the blanket was a pattern of the states and the capitals.  I know what your thinking...."Wow, you can teach him his state capitals".  True, but that is just a plus.  If you notice on the blanket there are pictures of things that represent the state. 

For example: Mississippi has a picture of a steam boat and Californian has a movie camera.  It is a great "focus" exercise.  Already, we laid down looking for all the trains on the blanket.  It's kinda like a I Spy...N-Zilla edition.  Another plus is we have family spread all over the United states; it's nice to say where so and so lives and show the picture.

Lastly, N-Zilla loves the texture of the hemming.   I might have got a little over zealous with the hemming; but I know my boy and if I just put a single stitch it would only be a matter of time before the blanket bust open.   By making (3 x around the edges) hem/stitching it made the border of the blanket have a different texture from the rest of the blanket.   When he was laying down he ran his fingers along the line. 

So far his favorite thing do do with this blanket is to have me count to three then throw the blanket over him.  Both him and The Baby played that game this morning.  I might have to make every one in the family their own weighted blanket. 

I feel so much better that I have something to send with him to school now.  Next project is to make a weight vest that doesn't make him look like a wienie.


2x  one yard and a half Material

 Plastice Pellets

1 borrowed sewing machine

Measuring tape.

Calculator: to figure out how many pellets to put in each square, then say F it and guesstimate.

End result one happy morning and a loveable and destructive boy in bed before 10pm.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

It's safe to have the t.v down.

We took the t.v off the wall today!  No, really this is amazing.  Since N-Zilla could walk we have had to put if not all, most things up.  Our biggest fear was the t.v.  falling on him and of course not having a t.v was a scarey thought to us too.    BUT...along with all the good and new things going on with N-Zilla, we've noticed that the t.v is no longer in danger of hurting the boy or being hurt by the boy. 

Don't get me wrong N-Zilla is still loveable and destructive as ever.  As a matter of fact it is 11pm and I am being poked with a broom by the boy.  Lets throw in that its 11pm and he is awake and is eating everything we just bought at the grocery store. 

no more of this!
"Seriously", there is still hurdles we are jumping...however I no longer have to strain my neck to watch t.v.  Things are moving up in the Silva house.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Give me that Rx!

It's decided....going to doctors and asking for Rx of Melatonin for N-Zilla.  At this point it's for my survival.  N-Zilla starts school in August and we cant have anymore 6am bedtimes.  Not only am I exhausted but I become resentful of Mr. S when he sleeps, and thats not right or good for our marriage.  

Other then the lack of sleep in this house...N-Zilla is doing great.  Talking more, more affectionate with me. He even survived a driving trip from TX to GA.  A few break downs but nothing too serious.  

Until our doctors appointment wish me luck that I get more then 2 hrs of sleep.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Non Categorical Autism

 After the A.R.D meeting dust has cleared...I was still a bit confused,  I found this link today  http://www.texasprojectfirst.org/DiagnosisVSDisability.html and it cleared the label Non-Categorical Autism up for me.  If you live in Texas and your child 3-5 years old with a special need check it out.  It breaks it down pretty easy enough.  It was actually easier to find then I thought I typed Non-Categorical Autism in the search engine.  A wonder why I didn't try to look this up early.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Happy Birthday to My Sensational N-Zilla!

July 2nd 2008 My Sensational Loveable and Destructive N-Zilla came into this world. The labor hurt like hell but was happy to share it with the Bestie, Mr. S, and M.I.L. 

Three years later my N-Zilla is keeping us on our toes!

Happy 3rd Bday N-Zilla.....rwarrrrrr!

right out the womb

1 year old
2 years old
right around the corner to being 3 years old

Monday, June 27, 2011

New and Big Things are happening in the world of N-Zilla

N-Zilla is turning 3 this weekend!  Lots of things are changing and big things are happening.  This is a exciting and scarey time.  Obviously because new things and events are coming our way...it's exciting.  However, with new things come new routines, first times, and mini break downs. From either me or N-Zilla :D   Since I've started this blog and tried to educate myself as much as I can about Autism and SPD, I don't feel as unsure and blind when dealing with new things (related to N-Zilla or SPD).

             NEW THINGS

1. Huge thing...no more ECI.  I am bummed about that.  I will diffidently miss our visits.  I know N-Zilla will miss Flora the most (if your reading this... it's the one with the blond hair).  I got a little teary eyed durning the very last visit with Flora.  N-Zilla seems the most attached and affectionate with her.  It hurt because he has no idea he will never see her again.  I am thankful that she was a part of his life.  I will take the 10 months that ECI was in our lives.

2. N-Zilla is turning 3 this weekend.  We've decided to take him to Morgans Wonderland.  You should really look it up...It's awesome.  All four of my kids love this place.  Contemplating inviting the IL's to join us, so they can see N-Zilla in his element. Still undecided about that one.  I can't believe that N-Zilla my Loveable and Destructive boy is going to be 3!

3.  Real play.  Real play is number 3 on the New Things list.  I got this phrase from Toy Story 3.  It's also on a shirt that N-Zilla has.  I know what your thinking...big whoop, the boy plays with toys, but it is a BIG WHOOP.  A couple months ago I posted that N-Zilla did pretend play for the first time.  Something I didn't pay much attention to with my older children...because they just did.  N-Zilla however had been stuck in this loop of trains and Thomas for months.  He had repeated the same scene for over 6 months. "Stop Thomas". "Oh no it's stuck".  "No". "Oh no."  "Help me". "Help me Thomas". Followed by a crashing sound.  He set up all his toys to match this exact scene. If you have NetFlix look up Thomas and Misty Island, when you see the scene where one of the trains drops the Jobi wood you'll see our ground hogs day moment.  Every now and again he would shout, "Thomas and Friends".  Now I see him playing pretend with leggo's.  He plays with stuffed animals and pretend they are babies.  N-Zilla also pretends to cook and feed me.  Of course he just wouldn't be N-Zilla if he didn't play with trains, but now he say's, "All fired up and ready to go".  Things are changing and it's good.

4.  In August N-Zilla will go to Pre-K! This is very new and big news.  I'm not sure if I went over the A.R.D Meeting that decided this?  Our little N-Zilla will be going to school on a bus.  I'm apprehensive about the bus.  N-Zilla loves car rides, but I don't trust any one. How will I know he will be safe with the driver.  It scares me because N-Zilla does not have the verbal skills (yet) to tell me if something is wrong.  I just kinda pick up the clues at home when it comes N-Zilla.  I know when he is hungry, tired, or  in a bad mood.  I can also pick up on his anxiety when we are in public.  What if someone hurts him and he can't tell me.  I know...helicopter mother right?  Not really.  Remember this is new to me too.  For the (very) most part.  Pre-K is a good thing.  He will split his time with a special ed and general ed class room.  In addition to that he will go to speech therapy four times a week for 30min.  I'm sure at first N-Zilla will be overwhelmed, but this time he will be at a school that won't give up on him. 

Things that might always stay the same:

1. N-Zilla's rrrrrrreeeeeepppppeeeeetttttiiiiiiiittttttiiiiiiiivvvvvvvveeeeeeennnnnneeeeesssssssss. 
2. His ability to be Loveable and Destructive.
3. His obsession with trains.
4. The dislike for touching paint.

So...within the next two months I will have a 3 year old in Pre K and a 11year old in middle school.  Our world is changing and I am excited.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

It's midnight and I feel like crying.

Now that I have a moment from the constant crying and repeated request for "The Cuppy", I'm gonna blog to my little heats content.

See right now I'm a bit delirious.  I have been up since Midnight.  N-Zilla has been on the war/cry path and it is taking a toll on me.  I blame my self.  I have been so wrapped up soaking every piece of  summer with Son #1 and Crazy Horse that I have not been as punctual with N-Zilla's sensory diets.   They are leaving next week to spend part of the summer with their father in Vegas.  Son #1 will be spending his birthday there.  As he will every summer until he is 18.  Yet another horse pill to swallow.  By the time they come back home in August it's time to for school shopping, doctors/eye appointments and any thing else we have to do to get ready for the school year.  I do not want to alienate my other kids because I have to put so much attention to N-Zilla.  In all seriousness things get pretty fucken messy if I don't. I realize that all this ranting and raving should be on 30onmom, BUT my feeling right now has a lot to do with N-Zilla.  Not him as a person, just his reactions to things and my reactions to his reactions.

Meanwhile, N-Zilla is freaking out when ever someone touches his damn Thomas Trains.  Saying,"No" to everything.  On the other hand, he is talking more and more every day.  Even at one of his last ECI sessions Flora, Fauna and Merryweather said he was talking great and making good eye contact.  He even played with play dough.  That has been 7 month long goal and he is doing it!  Then he has nights like the past few nights.  Staying up until 6 am falling asleep for an hour, then ready for the day.  Last night was especially hard for me.  I'm sure him too.  Who likes to cry for hours on end.  It started in our bed when he was making the famous moose calls.  I don't know why I didn't rub his back or squeeze his arms.   It's been such a long time since I've had to do that.  I guess I just forgot.  Mr. S grumbled something and yelled for N-Zilla to go to sleep.  I feel his frustration; however, the mama bear doesn't like when N-Zilla is being yelled at in the middle of the night to stop something he can't help.  So me and N-Zilla went to the living room where nothing would satisfy him.  He cried through all the Thomas movies and through Toy Story 3.  He took a power nap at about 5 something and by 6am he was up crying. AGAIN!  I've lost all sense of my training.  I did not use any of his sensory diet to help him calm down.  I just sat next to him and excepted his crying.  I'm exhausted, delirious, overwhelmed and have tons of laundry to do.   I actually had more that I was writing but guess who is crying for milk right now and not to mention the older ones are hovering over my shoulder waiting like sharks for the computer.    Hopefully we can be like the Sleeping House and all take a nap by 12.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

A little break down and Shades of Gray

A little break down on N-Zilla...Loveable and Destructive.

About six months after N-Zilla  was born I went to my Doctor for P.P.D .  As an infant he was colicky more so then my other children but a little like Crazy Horse (9 year old Daughter).  As a younger toddler lots of things were getting broken or eaten in my house.  Lots and Lots of sleepless nights.  Tried to do the same activities I did with the older two with him, but he didn't like touching paint.  So no weekly fridge paintings.  N-Zilla was a bit more Va-Voom as Grandma Big Bear likes to say or Alie Oop Like Grandpa Big Bear likes to say. I never gave to much thought to it because for the most part little N-Zilla was overall a happy baby.

N-Zilla takes a little assessment .  Comes to our attention that N-Zilla isn't speaking as much as he's suppose to.  August 2010 N-Zilla begains Eci. Notice that N-Zilla likes trains obsessively.  Repeats words and has certain characteristics of Sensory Processing Disorder.   Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather come to the house 4 times a week.  Once for speech, once for reinforcement of speech session and interactive, and twice for behavior and parent education (how to work with your spd child and to be honest I feel that I work well with N-Zilla and I have my SPD tools, but it's nice to have someone to talk to and who isn't fazed by a kid hanging at my neck and ramming me with his head in my gut).  We just keep on talking.  It's always nice to have adult contact).

(Start a blog(s) if nothing else it would make me feel better and get some confusion of my chest and help myself, family, and friends understand N-Zilla, although I want to make it clear N-Zilla is so much more the SPD.  It isn't who he is it's just a part of our life).

  At first the blog(s) kinda made some waves with in-laws, but by making my blog(s) I was able to find lot of helpful, useful, and funny resources.  Like the  SPD Blogger Network and SPD foundation, and many other blogs of families that have sensational kids and find humor in their life.  Before this I would have never thought to search Sensory Processing Disorder on Face Book.

Getting ready to transition out of Eci and to possible pre-school.  I fill out all the paper work and set a date with the school district to see if N-Zilla qualifies for pre-school or speech therapy at the least through the school district.

(mean while Mr. S and I haven't really talked about SPD.  I sense that it makes him feel uncomfortable which makes me annoyed.  I feel more and more alienated because I know that my Loveable and Destructive son needs just a little bit more of a push.  I can't put my finger on it, But often it makes me feel helpless, confused and frustrated). 

Went to the (first) speech assessment at the school district.  I thought it went good and I was almost positive that he wasn't gong to qualify for speech therapy and preschool.  Later that week I got a phone call from Mrs. Coker saying, "Could you bring N-Zilla in, I have some concerns and would like to rule out Autism".  Wow I didn't see that coming.  Brought it up to Mr. S and it didn't go to well.

Went to second assessment.  Again I thought it went good.  It seemed all very normal to me.  A week later got a phone call to go over the points.  I'll give you the very brief answer as I was on the phone for an hour with Mr. Wagner about the results.

It seems that N-Zilla is in a gray area or Possible or At Risk.  I heard those last two phrase a lot.  He got a 88 out of 100 in the Autistic scale so that puts him at Possible for a learning disability.  I strongly feel that it is SPD.    Looks like N-Zilla will be going to preschool (I will find out next Thursday which by the way will be the first time Mr. S will be taking the little ones to the Doctors all by himself), and every year we will have a ARD about the N-Zilla.  By his 6 birthday we will have a meeting to see if he needs to continue special education or with general education.  Phew that was lot to stay.  I'm sure I'm leaving some things out, but will make for a better post later. 

Went over results with Mr. S again didn't go so well.  It really does seem that he doesn't want to know what is going on.  But I need him to be on board here.  Especially when it come to our Sensory Diet.  Even though we talked about it I don't think Mr. S is fully accepting everything that is going on.  

As funny as it sounds...I feel like we have a game plan, and that makes me feel so much better.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

This Wednesday night.

It's getting a little tricky right now.  I have a ARD meeting with the school district plus potential school and teacher and special ed teacher.  Every time I get an answer or something like it, I get more questions.  I talked to Flora of my Flora, Fauna, and Marryweather today, and she tried to break it down.  While her visit to our house, N-Zilla pooped his pants and Mr. S had to give him a bath and N-Zilla took a head dive off of our kitchen table.  Now I have the elephant man sleeping on my bed. To top it off for today, I feel like I am not spending enough time with the other three children. Aww poop. I need some ice cream.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Previous post from N-Zilla.

                                  Here are some post from earlier N-Zilla Loveable and Destructive.

N-Zilla Loveable and Destructive

He only acts this way because of you

Night time sensory diet.

Night time sensory diet.

It was getting a little hectic here with all the lack of sleep that was going on.  So for the past three weeks I have been fine tuning a Night time sensory diet.  Most nights it works, some nights it doesn't but it is a whole lot better then being Sleepless in San Antonio.

Night Time Sensory Diet:
(not every night things are done in the same order)

1. Walk around our neighborhood
Try walk for 20 minutes This is a good opportunity to work on his vocab and speech. Some days he doesn't talk, he just makes train and car sounds. He is getting pretty creative with the sounds.  Airplanes sounds have been added to the family.

2. Dinner time.
Dinner time is either before or after the walk.  It really does depend on every one else schedule.

3.Occupational Time.
I'm trying to incorporate the whole family in this.  I am desperately trying not to make my other children feel like they are being left out.  N-Zilla does some jumping jacks and dancing with Son #1 and Crazy Horse, followed by moving heavy objects.  This is the scariest part of OT.  I twisted my ankle last week chasing N-Zilla. He was running towards the street.  Also during this episode I feel down and bruised my palm.  Plus, I got a black eye a while back when N-Zilla threw his head back.  Despite all that I venture on with the weights.  Some where in the near future I will have to purchase weighted medicine balls

I have N-Zilla fill his toys in a basket and lift them as high (and safely) as he canWe end with a blanket roll or the Burrito.  I roll him up in a blanket and I pat his body or drag him in the blanket until he gets undone.   All the kids love this.

4. Bath time.  
I usually clean two birds with one bath.  The Baby and N-Zilla take a bath while Crazy Horse and Son #1 get to hang out with dad with out the little ones butting in. 

5. Bed time.
Put The Baby down with her bottle. Crazy Horse and Son# 1 take shower so they go straight to bed (most nights without a fight). N-Zilla gets his sippy cup lays on my bed.  All the lights off, except the light form the computer.  Play song Air Plane by Local Natives. Over and Over again until he falls asleep.

So far works like a charm and he hasn't gotten up destructive.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

This picture is not worth my thousand words.

This was suppose to represent my sensational day today...toys (mostly Thomas the Train)...it's caotic for me, but some how it just looks like a cute blanket pattern or wall paper.  :/  My art is not portraying my feelings but not to shabby for a novice.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Can I get paid for doing our own O/T?

N-Zilla had his assessment today.  I never know what to do during these things.  I just sat their and tried not to pay to much attention.  At one point he was playing with a baby doll.  It was the cutest thing.  Two reasons; this is the second time I have seen him do Pretend play and while he pushed the doll in the stroller he told me "eeewwwweee, the baby pooped". How could I not laugh out loud.

I don't know what is going to happen from here.  I'm trying to take matters in my own hands.  This past week or so, we have started a new night time routine with N-Zilla.  Something does need to change thought because as you read in And the list goes on, The loveable and destructive Zilla has taken hostage of my house again. 

Tonight we did some occupational therapy of our own at home.  Some jumping jacks, catch, and lifting a weight.  I was a little scared of that one. In the past two weeks I have bruised my palm and ankle, threw my leg out, and looked like a dork because I fell down chasing N-Zilla outside trying to catch him before he went into the street.  And of course the shiner. 

We also used a heavy blanket to roll N-Zilla in.  He seems to really like that one.  We ended with sitting in the tent (blanket hanging over couch).  It seems good so far. 

Tomorrow I will be starting a new morning OT routine.  I'm gonna have to become more structured for this on.  Keep you all posted on how it goes and if it is working for us.

Monday, May 16, 2011

And the List Goes on!

1. Wake up in a SENSATIONAL MOOD, and kick mom out of the bed.
2. Decided that tortilla dipped in salsa is good for breakfast.
3. Drop and break the pretty pink nail polish that looks good on Mom and calms The baby down.
4. Rub cut up oranges on the coffee table, hair and face.
5. While mom is in the bathroom drink powdered creamer.
6. Mom makes me run outside moving rocks and I like it!
7. Have a melt down @ speech.
8. Want Occupational therapy during Moms session.
9. Have another melt down for a sippy cup.
10. Knock neatly stacked books on floor.
11. Calm down with some Just Dance.
we will see what else makes this list today...it's only 2 in the afternoon.


Friday, May 13, 2011

Where was I...Oh yeah; Black eye, School District, and Moon Sand

It is now 6:13pm and I think we left of somewhere around 12 or 1.  I can't be sure.  The house is silent except for the sound of my playlist The Baby crawling around.  N-Zilla is actually asleep, the T.V is off, Crazy Horse is at her friends, Mr. S and Son #1 are at Base ball practice.

I will totally take advantage of this time to blog, shower and watch reality T.V.

As many blogs that have been neglected for a while, I will start off with...I've been busy...lots have happened etc...etc...etc.

First off I recently realized at N-Zilla's last speech session that the next one will be his last.  He will be turning three in July.  No more ECI for him. No more Flora, Fauna, and Merry-weather (The names are from Disneyland Sleeping Beauty. The three fairy's that helped Princess Aurora's parents in their time of need.  That's how I see these ladies).  I got a little sad when "Flora" looked through her calender to schedule for next month.  This year has gone by to fast.  I'm not ready to let go of my training wheels that give me the courage and reassurance.  And most of all some balance I need.

This particular day didn't go so well.  Mostly Flora and I talked because I double booked yet again (unknowingly).  Earlier that day N-Zilla had his (2nd) assessment with the school district.  I was pretty optimistic.  N-Zilla is speaking more word and saying them clear.  I was sure they were going to say, "N-Zilla's mom, your boy does not need early pre-school because he is a talking genius"!, "You really did jump the gun putting him in ECI, no you and N-Zilla go and enjoy the rest of your week".   N-Zilla even walked into the building confident.  He walked down the hall talking all sorts of jargon.  This letting me know he felt comfortable.

During the assessment I sat at the "parent" table.  I did good.  I totally paid no attention to N-Zilla and the Speech Pathologist.  I pulled out my phone logged on to the Daily Beast and Babble.  Caught up on some reading and emails.  But then the questions started. "Would you say he likes Thomas the Train or is he obsessed"?   "Is his behavior similar or different then your other children" ?  Great, why can't any specialist just give me a definite answer so I know what to do for my boy.  Honestly, I thought he did great.

At the end, the Speech Pathologist told me that she would add up the scores then give me a call.  Well, I got a call.  This time from another specialist.  Honestly, I don't know what type..she told me but I can't remember . (Oh if your wondering if the house is still quite...no.  It lasted about 30 minutes.  N-Zilla fell of the couch and has been crying for about 30 minutes for Thomas.  The baby is asleep and the girls are playing Just Dance).  She ended the conversation telling me that there were some concerns she had, and she wanted to rule out Autism.  Those words...that label.  How was I suppose to feel.

When your pregnant you dread to hear D word.  Down Syndrome. And after the baby is born you dread to hear the A word. Autistic.   I didn't feel either way when making the appointment for his assessment.  Hopefully this will be his last with the school district.  Shortly after getting off the phone my mind went racing.  What do you mean you have some concerns?  Didn't he answer your questions to the best of his 2 year old degree.  Didn't he interact with you how he is suppose to? Didn't he...?  I have gut feeling that his SPD had gotten the best of him that day.  What ever that means.  I kept on saying that he was two, and I was reminded that he would be turning three very shortly.  I called Mr. S to give him the 411.  I wish I hadn't.  It just upset him.  He said that their was nothing wrong with him.  I don't even think N-Zilla has Autism but I found myself defending Autistic Human Beings every where, "And so what if he is, their is nothing WRONG with that".  "People that have Autism are not wrong...he isn't broken".  We were having an argument before their was even papers signed for an assessment.  I had to end the conversation saying that well we are just ruling it out. Lets not jump to conclusions.    This was Wednesday.  He had the Speech assessment Monday.

Thursday Night I was whacked something awful by my N-Zilla.  We have been doing a new night time routine with him to get him to bed before the sun comes up for the new day.  So far it has been working. We are still in the trial run.  I will post our routine later.

Thursday night was a little rough but nothing too bad.  N-Zilla and I were taking pictures on my phone.  It was soothing to him, but the right went all wrong in seconds.  I wish I could show you a happy picture of us moments before I got a black eye, but I am trying to keep like Clark Kent.

N-Zilla my loveable and destructive 2 soon to be 3 year old yelled no, threw his head back and hit the brow of my eye.  Holy Moly, I saw stars.  I'm sure this is how it feels to be kicked in the testicles.  Not as bad as child birth but pretty painful.  I got nauseous, my jaw locked and I curled up in a ball.  Now I have been hit in my life time...but never like that.  The only thing that comes close to the hypothetical kick to the balls is being hit in the nose.   Now the only thing I have to worry about is when I go to Crazy Horse's game tomorrow, that I look like a battered women. 

Now to today.  Friday...MOON SAND.  This has been awesome for N-Zilla.  However, as loveable as he his he got a bit destructive with sand.  I didn't do our routine this morning.  I was a bad mommy.  I put on NetFlix for him so I could clean the house.

After putting a load of laundry in and putting the folded clothes in the kids room, I came around the corner to pink moon sand on the floor of N-Zilla's play area which also is The Baby's play area and family room AND is right next to the kitchen and my bed room door.  Phew, that was a lot of "ands".  I had to completely stop everything that I was doing.  The Baby wanted to be held and if I wasn't paying attention to the boy he would dump all the toys on the floor.  I should have saw it coming.  This morning he threw his plate of eggs on the floor then wrapped himself in his blanket.

So I put on 16 and Pregnant and things eventually calmed down.

Moon Sand every where, And production has stopped!

Production has ceased right now... Actually, this production of writing on this blog will have to cease as well for the moment, as I can smell the pungent smell of N-Zilla's BM.  For those of you who don't know...It's his poop.  Here is the 100th mention of "I can't wait til he is completely potty trained".  So I will have to follow up and fill you in later if The Baby and N-Zilla grace me by taking a nap at the same time.  In future blog post you all will find out why I have a black eye, why there is moon sand every where, and why I got a phone call from the school district.

 Oooooo exciting!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


I get my computer back Wednesday. I'm making this post by blackberry...wanted to check in and say I miss you blog world.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

N-Zilla strikes again..

N-Zilla my Loveable and Destructive little guy strikes again.  Victim was dad.  N-Zilla broke his glasses.  Grandma Utah and I where enjoying our morning and quite in the front living room.  During some good conversation I hear a heavy sigh.  It was Mr. S, it was his way of letting me know that the peace and quite I was enjoying just moments earlier was too good to be true. 

Mr. S walked into the front living room with his glassed in two.   I don't know how he did it, but N-Zilla broke the frame right down the middle (the part that goes over the bridge of the nose).  This is the third pair of glasses that had ceased at the hands of N-Zilla.  The first 2 were mine.    I would have felt worse for Mr. S if he hadn't blamed me for being on one end of the house while N-Zilla was at the other end (with Mr. S). AND....that he has contacts, work glasses, and industrial glue (which he used and fixed his glasses).

N-Zilla, we need our four eyes so we can see what your are doing!

Friday, April 29, 2011

N-Zilla's Mom needs a Tissue, a Hug, and a Nap

Today the N-Zilla had a doctors appointment. Where I proceeded to cry to the doctor.  I don't know what came over me. I told the doctor it was just because I was tired (N-Zilla's up right now and being very destructive, he doesn't want to go to bed and it is midnight).  I really am just so tired.  I was surprised that that as soon as I opened my mouth, tears came out of my eyes.  I kept on saying I'm just tired.  And I feel like I am alone again.  I don't know what Mr. S feels about all of this.  Sometimes I get the impression  that he is on board with our Sensational N-Zilla and other times he is just at his wits end.

So any way as I was crying at the doctors office, I found out that we are on the right track.  Doctor suggested that I try a night time schedule, something similar to our morning one. Maybe that will help with his sleep.  If not we can try Melatonin.  Geesh I was crying so much I think I might need to make a doc appointment for myself.  That or more frequent trips to the gym.  Maybe the snide remark made by S.I.L was right, maybe I do need counseling. 

I felt good that N-Zilla has such a caring Pediatrician, but walking out of the doctors office I felt embarrassed for crying.  Good Lord, am I that pent up for emotional release that I cry to the first Doctor I see..which by the way was an M.D not a counselor.

Rest of our trip Down Town (San Antonio) went good.  N-Zilla my loveable and destructive boy walked along the River Walk quacking at ducks and trying to jump in the street.  Luckily I had the harness on.  The only awkward thing about that was N-Zilla likes to drop to the ground and crawl or just lay on the cement...so it looked like I was walking my boy on a leash.  I'm kinda use to the stairs and remarks people make when I have the harness on, but safety first.  

As the trip came to the end I felt more and more embarrassed of my tears and more at peace that I am doing exactly what the N-Zilla needs to thrive as his loveable and destructive self.

Midnight ramblings of a nervous mother

Tomorrow is N-Zilla's Doctors appointment..I'm kinda of nervous, and part of me feels like this is just an other Doc's appointment.

Instead of getting all the speech therapy notes etc...Me and N-Zilla watched Whale Rider.  I should be making sure his list of words are up to date, and I should have a list of question prepared for the Doctor.  But I'm not..I'm here blogging.  I should be in bed..every one is asleep...it's hard to sleep when Mr. S is at work over night. Since Grandma Utah is here I've forgotten how lonely and quite the house can get at this time of night/morning.  I wish Mr. S can go with me tomorrow, but I know he will be dog tired...and truth be told, I still think he is uncomfortable and unsure about all of this.  It makes it hard to talk about SPD, I feel like I have to play it down for Mr. S.  It's not his fault...I'm just patiently waiting when we can openly and comfortably talk about N-Zilla and SPD. I want Mr. S to know that our N-Zilla is not broken, that he doesn't need to be fixed.  He is loveable, Sensational, and destructive in every way that he should be. 

I think I am going to interview Mr. S...He doesn't have blog, really no outlet to talk about this stuff.  It's time that Mr.S voice be heard, and that he hear his voice too.
I want to know what he is going through, from his own words.

Well, I guess coming soon Interview with Mr. S.

Any suggestions on what to ask him? 

Monday, April 25, 2011

.....And on the fifth day there was Play!

N-Zilla was awesome.  I remember when my oldest daughter (Crazy Horse) turned one, I had cupcakes for her and Son #1 wanted all the attention.  N-Zilla was happy playing by himself but he also played great with the other toddlers at the house.  No tantrums when the other kids touched his trains.  And he politely as much as a 2 year old loveable and destructive boy can, asked for a non-frosted cupcake.  (Side note: I think for N-Zilla's 3rd birthday I am going to make non-frosted cupcakes.)  After the candle were blown out, and all the hub-bub was around the table watching The Baby eat her cupcake, The N-Zilla grabbed his Thomas the Train blanket and sat on the couch.


N-Zilla's first trip to Sea World San Antonio.  First stop...feed the dolphins.  We didn't feed the dolphins.  The line was to long but that didn't stop us from getting as close as we could do the dolphins.  I was a little embarrassed of my parental skills because my loveable and destructive two year old was yelling, " Ooooo, Fish"!  But given that he was only saying mom and dad  little less then a year ago...calling a mammal a fish seems acceptable.
   It got sticky twice during the day.  At the Bay of Play...we were sitting waiting to watch the show.  Ernie, Bert, Cookie Monster, and Zoe were gonna sing for the tots.  Mr. S and I let the big kids go off and do their own thing while we waited for live action Sesame Street.  Mr. S had The Baby, and I had N-Zilla.  Less then a few minutes into waiting and N-Zilla had had enough.  I looked around and saw all the other toddlers sitting..fidgeting a little, but N-Zilla was going into full blown destructive mode. I could see Mr. S trying to keep his patience.  So, once again I was the mom in the crowd of people; holding her son rocking back and forth, While Mr. S squeezed his arms and legs (that calms him down). The show started and commenced the N-Zilla dance-a-thon.
  Second sticky situation...Rosita's all you can eat buffet.  Usually N-Zilla carries his Thomas bag where ever he goes.  At restaurants, I usually sit him at a table by him self..he sets up his track and trains..then eats.  We didn't bring his bag to Sea World...First we had found a booth big enough for all the gang...but N-Zilla was gonna get destructive.  I didn't want to ruin lunch for everyone.  I sat N-Zilla at a table near everyone else.  Mr. S and I sat at the table with N-Zilla and The Baby.   I felt good that Mr. S chose to sit alienated with me.  He doesn't usually get to see this side of N-Zilla our very loveable and destructive son.  Once again N-Zilla was getting antsy...this time he grabbed my hand put them on his arm and made the motion for me to pinch his arm.  It wasn't too bad, their was a few kids who I'm sure didn't have sensory issues jumping over the booths.  Which made N-Zilla look loveable and docile.  
  I took the two younger ones to see the Shamu show (it's not called that but you know that I meant killer whale).  All in all it was a great first Trip to Sea World San Antonio.. Hopefully next time I will have a camera. 
not just the cell phone.

Picture taken by B.A Martin.  N-Zilla looking at the roller coaster.  


This day not so good.  The older kids were invited to a birthday part of our close friends son.  We all went..cause..what the heck, it's good to get out of the house.  We went to ZTD's.  I don't know what that stands for but it's like a Scandia (in southern California).  Two steps into the door and I could tell that my boy was over whelmed.  Their was this sound that was driving him crazy...every time it went off N-Zilla covered his ears..
We left early...the big kids stayed with the guest of honor.


With out going to every detail...we went to the river for Easter...and N-Zilla was perfectly happy playing with his trains in the middle of the crowd.
Playing with his trains.  Picture taken by my crappy Black Berry

Sometime while making myself  a sandwich, N-Zilla decided to be a ninja and disappear. I looked up and he was gone  My biggest fear when at the river is that one of my kids will drown or a pedophile will kidnap them.  I started yelling out his name...turns out the boy was at the park...I wanted to cry...but instead I spanked him...(ya..I..know).


Monday was just another day.  Except, today was the first time that I saw N-Zilla do pretend play! Even when he is playing with his moon sand, he some how makes it about trains.  However, today I was taking pictures of  The Baby....then N-Zilla picked up a container and started pretending to take pictures.  He made the sound of the flash and turned the container around to "look" at the picture.  I know that this doesn't sound like a big idea...but N-Zilla hasn't done pretend play outside of trains and cars for the past 2 1/2 years, so today was a milestone!  It just reminded me of how I took for granted these types of things when Crazy Horse and Son # 1 were babies.
N-Zilla pretending to take pictures

Of course he had to take pictures of his Thomas Trains.