It's midnight and I feel like crying.

Now that I have a moment from the constant crying and repeated request for "The Cuppy", I'm gonna blog to my little heats content.

See right now I'm a bit delirious.  I have been up since Midnight.  N-Zilla has been on the war/cry path and it is taking a toll on me.  I blame my self.  I have been so wrapped up soaking every piece of  summer with Son #1 and Crazy Horse that I have not been as punctual with N-Zilla's sensory diets.   They are leaving next week to spend part of the summer with their father in Vegas.  Son #1 will be spending his birthday there.  As he will every summer until he is 18.  Yet another horse pill to swallow.  By the time they come back home in August it's time to for school shopping, doctors/eye appointments and any thing else we have to do to get ready for the school year.  I do not want to alienate my other kids because I have to put so much attention to N-Zilla.  In all seriousness things get pretty fucken messy if I don't. I realize that all this ranting and raving should be on 30onmom, BUT my feeling right now has a lot to do with N-Zilla.  Not him as a person, just his reactions to things and my reactions to his reactions.

Meanwhile, N-Zilla is freaking out when ever someone touches his damn Thomas Trains.  Saying,"No" to everything.  On the other hand, he is talking more and more every day.  Even at one of his last ECI sessions Flora, Fauna and Merryweather said he was talking great and making good eye contact.  He even played with play dough.  That has been 7 month long goal and he is doing it!  Then he has nights like the past few nights.  Staying up until 6 am falling asleep for an hour, then ready for the day.  Last night was especially hard for me.  I'm sure him too.  Who likes to cry for hours on end.  It started in our bed when he was making the famous moose calls.  I don't know why I didn't rub his back or squeeze his arms.   It's been such a long time since I've had to do that.  I guess I just forgot.  Mr. S grumbled something and yelled for N-Zilla to go to sleep.  I feel his frustration; however, the mama bear doesn't like when N-Zilla is being yelled at in the middle of the night to stop something he can't help.  So me and N-Zilla went to the living room where nothing would satisfy him.  He cried through all the Thomas movies and through Toy Story 3.  He took a power nap at about 5 something and by 6am he was up crying. AGAIN!  I've lost all sense of my training.  I did not use any of his sensory diet to help him calm down.  I just sat next to him and excepted his crying.  I'm exhausted, delirious, overwhelmed and have tons of laundry to do.   I actually had more that I was writing but guess who is crying for milk right now and not to mention the older ones are hovering over my shoulder waiting like sharks for the computer.    Hopefully we can be like the Sleeping House and all take a nap by 12.