Empathy.

Children and Adults on the spectrum do not lack the ability to have empathy.  Sometimes it is just a matter of knowing how to communicate or show the emotion. 

• Cognitive Empathy- The ability t predict other's thoughts and intentions including the ability to read between the lines during communication

• Affective empathy- The ability to share another person's feelings with them

• Compassionate Empathy- The desire to help others.

When N-Zilla was very small and didn't have the communication skills that he has now I was sad that maybe possibly I would never hear my son say that he loved me. I obsessed if he would even know how. I use to be hung up on those things. I'm gonna say it...I was so dumb then. It didn't take me very long to get over it.  Recently, at the beginning of the school year N-Zilla did something completely inappropriate at school. Still to this day I don't know why he did what he did. (I don't know if it was AU or ADHD or OCD or a bad day or whatever.) After talking to his (wonderful) teacher I did my walk of shame back to the car all the while N-Zilla was talking about Minecraft. I asked him if he did what he did. He said yes blanked faced a bit annoyed that I interrupted him. As soon as we all got settled in the car (minivan. Barf)  I turned to him and the tears poured over. I ugly cried. I managed to ask N-Zilla why he did what he did. He couldn't give me a answer. What he did next made me cry even more but this time tears of happiness. He unbuckled and gave me a hug and wiped my tears, "I'm sorry mommy". "Mommy, you sad"?

Sometimes when he is eating he walks up to me and gives me a piece of his food without saying a word.  Just last night while I was watching T.V N-Zilla came up to me, licked his finger and made the sign of the cross on my forehead.  I just went with it. I know that N-Zilla may not have Cognitive Empathy but I know with all of my heart that he has the ability to share another person's feelings with them and the desire to help others. Everything in life Autistic or not boils down to communication.  


*Here are links to post about AU and Empathy.

http://www.defyingthespectrum.com/2013/02/14/mythbuster-children-with-autism-are-affectionate/
http://www.defyingthespectrum.com/2014/04/25/autism-empathy-myth-day-2530-going-beyond-autism-awareness-2014/

Obsession Sundays #2

ob·ses·sion  [uhb-sesh-uhn] 

noun

1. 

the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

2.

the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.

3.

the state of being obsessed.

4.

the act of obsessing.

Origin: 
1505–15;  < Latin obsessiōn-  (stem of obsessiō ) blockade, siege, equivalent to obsess ( us ) (see obsess) +-iōn- -ion

Obsession Sundays. Our newest obsession.

ob·ses·sion

  [uhb-sesh-uhn] 

noun

1.

the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

2.

the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.

3.

the state of being obsessed.

4.

the act of obsessing.

Origin: 
1505–15;  < Latin obsessiōn-  (stem of obsessiō ) blockade, siege, equivalent to obsess ( us ) (see obsess) +-iōn- -ion

Dictionary.com 

Meet Steve.  Steve is from Mind Craft.  For the record I know absolutely nothing about Mind Craft except for the fact that it's N-Zilla's new obsession.  Which means it's now mine.  Which means some how it will be worked into his "sensory diet.

This funny thing happens when your kid is obsessed with something...it drives you-the parent-crazy.  Or just me.  I am not by nature a fanatical person.  I don't understand  it, but N-Zilla does and like a lot of things that goes with being a parent and/or a parent of a child with AU...I love it because he loves it.  If I don't embrace I will destruct...so when in Rome or Mind Craft do as Steve and N-Zilla do.  

Going on a Plane.

K...Vlogging is kinda a weird experience.

Any who...tomorrow we are flying.   I knew that I was going back home in the summer but the timing was a little different then expected.  I have been packing.  Sewing (I don't know why). Going to Speech and O.T visits. Washing clothes.  Calling Doctors etc.  And trying to entertain my 3 and 4 y/o.  It's been busy.

Among all the excitement I've forgotten to prepare N-Zilla for the airport.  For the past 3 days we have been talking about the Airport and looking at pictures of flying in a plane... I got some helpful links from fellow AU parents at MyAutismTeam.com. http://www.autismspeaks.org/sites/default/files/documents/family-services/chantal.pdf  and http://www.parentnetworkwny.org/documents/CASE/Planes%20and%20Autism.pdf.  I also went on http://www.sanantonio.gov/SAT.aspx

Today I will be finishing packing.  Any last minute things hopefully I will get done today because we have two last appointments before our vacation begins.  Not sure what exactly to bring for N-Zilla's Sensory Diet but I have all of today to figure it out (insert happy face here).  See you guys soon!

*Think of a sensory diet as a goody bag.  Things that will prevent melt downs. That are planned activities and items that are meant to sooth.   N-Zilla is a sensory seeking kind of guy so he will have a lot of sensory input goodies. 

Rant's and Rave's and IEP's

It's that time of year again. ARD.   We get to go over N-Zilla's IEP. For of you that don't know A.R.D stands for Admissions. Review. Dismissal.  and IEP is Individual Education Plan.  

When N-Zilla's PPCD (Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities) pre-k teacher, Mrs J taught him last year the ARD's were a piece of gluten free cake.    Now...not so much.  I will never forget a private conversation we had earlier this year (Mrs. J was moved to a different elementary school...I was told that the PPCD program had closed and N-Zilla's wonderful teacher had to move) with Mrs. J.  Earlier in the year around October, the ARD committee wanted to have N-Zilla move to another campus that had a PPCD program in place since the one where he was at was closing.   I disagreed.  For many reasons.  Mostly how they closed the program and moved a wonderful teacher was wrong.  On a Thursday she was told that Friday she would be moving to another school.  And how it screwed N-Zilla.   I disagreed, and disagreed some more.  Finally after many phone calls.  Searching on the Web, reading and reading the IDEA parent booklet, late night convo's,coffee and tears with the Bestie AND speaking with a advocate, it was decided that staying at his current school would be the LRE (Least Restrictive Environment) for N-Zilla.  At work I ran into Mrs. J and we talked about the situation.  I told her that I couldn't believe it was going to be this hard to be heard and make a decision for my son.  I will never forget the words that she said to me, "It's only going to get harder.  You've got to be prepared and continue to be N-Zilla's advocate".

Gulp.   She was right.  I was kinda hoping that the whole N-Zilla get's to stay debacle was a one time thing.  This is our first ARD after the great ARD of  October and it is just as heated.  

N-Zilla will be going to Kindergarten next fall...he currently is the only PPCD student at his present school and our home campus is not "PPCD qualified" or has the "PPCD qualified staff" equipet to service N-Zilla so it's being told to me.  It is being suggested strongly that N-Zilla attends an other campus that is PPCD "ready".  He will be in a General Ed class with a kinder teacher and a Para-Aid (Paraprofessional), the Spec Ed teacher will over-see his progress and be a resource for his Kinder teacher. I can not understand why this can not happen at his home campus.  N-Zilla can not be the only student that has PPD-NOS (Pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified) or has ASD ( Autism Spectrum Disorder).  N-Zilla can not be the only student at our home campus that needs Spec Ed resources.  He just can't be the only one!

(just breath Adee...just breath)

I have a very dear friend...I refer to her as The Bestie.  She is also going through this right now.  Tis the season.  I won't go into her ARD's and IEP's and BIP's (Behavioral Intervention Plan) because that is her business to share or not...but I will say, I feel ya Gurl.   When making the best educational decision for your child and attending your ARD-you feel out numbered. 

And before you get into your car or mini-van...what ever, you feel like you are going to be fighting in a MMA match.  Your heart is pumping out of your eyeballs and you've got cotton mouth from drinking 20 cups of coffee.  You wonder if you should have taken your friend up on that offer for a Xanny.

At some point in the ARD you wanna say AW HELL NO, MY SON WILL NOT RIDE THE BUS AT 5:45 IN THE MORNING OR BE IN THE APPLE UNIT.   But you don't because you're the parent and no one will take you seriously if you do.

 Urgh...and don't forget...DON'T. CRY.   At least I try not to .But just in case I do I bring my own tissues I don't want to be patronized.  AND I wear water proof mascara.

After it all, I day dream that my husband said things like this before and after these meeting.  I bet you do too Bestie ;)

 Am I right?

This one time at China Moon

My Lovable and Destructive 3 year old affectionately known as N-Zilla has been a lovable and destructive pain in the ass.  Being stuck at home with a broken air conditioner isn't helping the situation either.

"Pain in the ass" might be a little harsh but it's Thursday, my air conditoner is STILL broken, and I truly am tired of cleaning pee accidents.  (To be honest N-Zilla isn't close to being potty trained.  I try and try, only to hear I pooped and see pee running down his leg.)

Last weekend I took ALL OF THE KIDS to the store with me. Wal-Mart of all places.  Why? Cause I didn't take N-Zilla with me to church.  I didn't want to sit in the cry room.  I wanted to sit in a actual pew.  I took the three kids which in short is every one except N-Zilla.  During Mass I was feeling guilty for not bringing N-Zilla and leaving him and Mr. S to watch reruns of Phineas and Ferb.  So I did what any normal guilt ridden mother would do...I committed errand suicide.

After Mass I picked the boy up giving Mr. S a break and went to the worst evil necessity that is Wal-Mart.  Our trip consisted of  N-Zilla yelling mom the whole time we where there.  Not to get my attention but just to say it.  A lady looked at me and said, "Oh My God" out loud rolled her eyes and trotted to some other isle. 

It's about this time that The Baby starts to cry.  I can't hold her I am on a mission. 

While on this mission, N-Zilla decides to knock things off the shelves.  I had to pry the hangers from his hands.  Some one said wow what a handful.  NO FUCKING SHIT.  Excuse my language.  I usually like to save my bad manners for my other blog, but I felt like yelling that.

Somewhere between the screaming and hangers I ended up at the register buying a gallon of milk and a Monster energy drink which I call a Momster.  Crazy Horse gets a kick out of it.   I had decided there is no way I am making dinner tonight.  I had a brilliant idea to take the family to dinner.  After all I have been doing so good with the finical fasting I had a few pennies from the week to spare.

Dinner time rolled around. Off to China Moon we went (that's our  favorite Chinese restaurant).  As soon we got our drinks N-Zilla my Loveable and Destructive dinner date threw a fork across the table and luckily landed on the floor.  The owner was very vocal and animated when telling us that that was dangerous and "oh he break glass" and pointing to where we should sit at.  Granted besides us there where only three other parties there but ALL EYE'S ON US. 

 Now, I'm kinda use to this.  As you can tell I get that kind of attention at Wal-Mart.  However, Son #1 and Crazy Horse haven't directly experienced being zeroed out. Neither has Mr. S.  As a family we all had the finger pointed at us.  My husband just lowered his head.  My first reaction was to storm out...but then I remembered how much I loved their food.

That's when micro-managing mama started to work.

"Waitress make our order to go".
"Mr. S take N-Zilla to the Car".
-Pause a minute-
"Son # 1 take The Baby to the Car"
"Crazy Horse help me put the drinks in the to go cups"

"Lady next time you wanna say something please come to the table and not yell across the room, you embarrassed us.  Our son has a special need and I would love to eat somewhere that doesn't have a indoor play ground next to it and get my dinner off of trays" ( I didn't really say that but I did talk to the owner who almost gave birth to kittens when the fork hit the floor).

We ended up eating our dinner out of to-go boxes at a park.  Just another day I guess for me, but I can see it was hard for Mr. S.

Our reality right now is we might just have to order to go from now on and make an effort to take the older kids to eat by themselves and set time aside to go out by our self (me and Mr. S). 

Now if I can just find a baby sitter for N-Zilla.