N-Zilla

N-Zilla

Thursday, June 4, 2015

N-Zilla! Kinder Graduation ramble.


  N-Zilla did it. I only teared up once. You see those dark circles under my eyes? I had been up the night before until 3:40 am filled with anxiety. Truth be told my mind was pregnant with thoughts far more then my N-Zilla. But he did it! He held it together during the program. He had a bit of a "meltdown" when he left the stage. 
  It was loud and chaotic. He lost his visual. Me. I could hear him cry on the other end of the cafeteria. I felt like having a moment too. The more I hang out with N-Zilla I am more sensitive to large crowds and loud noises. 
  I decided to sign N-Zilla out early while waiting in the office a fellow parent point blank asked me what was wrong with N-Zilla? On the way home I had awesome zingers running through my head on what I could have said. anything other then what I did say. I just shrugged my shoulders and shook my head as to say nothings wrong. He's Autistic. That is exactly what I said. I think I was caught off guard and for a split second I didn't understand the question. Nothing is wrong with him. Then my need for advocacy and normalizing AU I  just said the A word. This parent just whispered loudly to her husband, "Oooohhhh he's Autistic". I should have said, "What the fuck does that mean"? 
"Why the emphasis on the 'O' "? I didn't of course. I excused myself and said some random happy summer good bye. I was a bit confused that this was actually happening. This wasn't a post on the Huff Post after all and I wasn't the mom that wrote a well written  open letter To The Lady In The Office who Asked What Was Wrong With My Son...
   Anyways back to the originally point of this post-MY SON DID IT! He accomplished so much this year. True, deep in my stomach I am going to obsess over the next coming grade while never letting N-Zilla or my husband know. As for right now I am going to soak in his accomplishments and stair at his pictures.  

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